For Dear Life…

“Yes,I have already forgiven him,” confessed Mwende.When asked why she forgave him she said that maybe he could have been under the influence of alcohol but categorically stated that she truly forgave him.

I remember watching the news and staring at the lady in disbelief.She just forgave the man who maimed and left her for dead! The following day,someone asked me, “Uliskia,alimsamehe(Did you hear,she forgave him)?” …It came as such a shocker to many!

When you follow her story closely,you will notice that she never uttered bitter words towards him,instead,her mother did when she said, “The pain is still fresh and Mwendes’ life will never be the same again.I will never forgive him and he should be sentenced to death”

I totally understand where the mother is coming from,but my prayer is that she finds a place in her heart to let go of the culprit and just focus on the future now that Mwende is receiving help and constructive surgery is soon to be done on her arms.

How many marriages are suffering in silence?…How many wives or husbands decide to ‘persevere’ in an abusive relationship?… How many wives are stigmatised because they cannot bear children?… When push comes to shove then the victims speak out, after all harm has been done! I am certain Mwende saw this coming but she chose to endure the pain and insults.

After her story was aired on National Television and made rounds on Social Media,two more ladies who were victims of abuse spoke out two days later! “Do they really have to wait for it to come to that point?”

What about Violence?

… Does it solve a thing?… I know frustrations can lead to such but does it bring forth a child?…Does it?…Acting on impulse does not help am sure the perpetrators of violence almost always regret their action.

You fall in love with this guy or lady,tie the knot then one begins to see his or her true colours. The ‘Once Upon A Time’ good guy or lady becomes very violent and domineering.Following what has been happening my brother asked me why they marry such evil people and I told him they don’t, they marry a very good and loving man or woman that just changes negatively.

Let’s go back to the drawing board,shall we?…

What kind of guy or lady are you dating? How does he or she respond in different situations?…Short-tempered,easily angered,insecure?… A ‘kigeugeu’saying one thing when he or she means another?…Well…Red lights right there!… Still dating him or her yet you have all the reasons to discontinue the ‘roller-costa’ kind of relationship…Awwww…u can’t live without your significant other?… Hey,wake up and smell the coffee,you were living before you met!…Of course,grace period, bla bla bla but let me tell you,you cannot change a grown man or lady,you can only accommodate and compromise. The choice is yours.

Deuteronomy 30:19 says:

“This day,I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death,blessings and curses.Now choose life,so that you and your children may live”

Right from the days of Moses,there were choices to be made,let alone that…From the very beginning God gave Adam and Eve an instruction not to eat the fruit of the tree at the centre of the garden,they had a choice as to whether to obey or not to and they chose the later. Remember,for every choice there are consequences.

If during your dating or courtship relationship you choose to ignore the signs.It’s up to you. They say a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

If you are in an abusive marriage please seek help before it is too late.Run for your life before life is sucked out of you.Save yourself and your children(in case they are involved) from the drama.

Rob Jackobson once stated, “All marriages are sacred,but not all are safe”

Someone might say,  “How can I throw away 30years of marriage?… “Will I ever learn to love again?… “We built this together, four children is not a small number,how will I provide for them?… “Where will I start?

Laura Davis in her book, ‘The Courage to Heal Workbook’ answers all those questions when she says,

“Many survivors insist they are not courageous: ‘If I were courageous I would have stopped the abuse, If I were courageous, I wouldn’t be scared’…Most of us have it mixed up.You don’t start with courage then face fear.You become courageous because you face your fear”

Face your fear lady,face your fear gentleman.

From dating,to courtship, to marriage, your significant other,who really loves you,will not have any reason to hurt you.He or she will sort out issues amicably.Real man/womanhood says, “No one is going to hurt this man or woman!Especially me” (Ron Hutchcraft)

Mwende advices those in an abusive relationship… “Nobody should stay in an abusive relationship just to be seen to be married.There is nothing like persevering.”

Emotional, physical, economical abuse…whichever form it takes,there is nothing like ‘persevering’

“Often things are as bad as they seem,” Sheldon Kopp

I conclude with the following words:

“The next time the abuser tells you that the reason he is abusive towards you is something you have done, remind yourself that no one is ever responsible for another person’s actions.The next time the abuser tells you that he wouldn’t get so angry with you if you would just try harder,remind yourself of how hard you have been trying and how little effect your efforts have had on his actions.And most important,the next time you are lying in bed crying over something the abuser has said or done, remind yourself of who you were before you met him.”









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