I was once in a relationship which literary sacked my life away from me.I lived to impress the guy day in day out. Was I married or engaged to the person?…Ah ah.I was just foolishly and blindly in ‘love’.I later realised that I meant nothing to the guy…I had to get my life back because at this point in time,I lost everything… My salvation,my family, my dignity,my principles,time and the list is just endless… I was at my breaking point…Living but not living… On a life support machine… I broke.
I remember on that day I went back home,locked myself in my room and cried for hours!… “What have I done?…Why did I live for someone who did not appreciate or deserve all the sacrifice?”…I cried myself to a sorry condemning state…
Who are you living for?Is life not bigger than that person you are trying to impress?… Aren’t you worth much more than that other person/s…
Like the prodigal son who went back to His father beaten, broken and crushed by the world, unsure of his Fathers’ reaction…I went back to the drawing board.God was my last resort at this point in time… He was the only one I could turn to…He was the only one I could ask to take me in as ‘His servant’…So helpless and broken that day,I laid my burdens and pains at the foot of the Cross and I told Jesus to take it all…I asked Him to take charge of my life and indeed to this day,He took the wheel… Andrew Murray once said, “Just as water ever seeks and fills the lowest place,so the moment God finds you abased and empty,His glory and power flow in”
My ashes I traded for beauty,and as hard as it was I wore the crown forgiveness and to this day I have never looked back grudgingly or in condemnation. It is a long journey of liberation…A very long one.
There is a lesson we learn from every experience,both good and bad.I learnt the hard truth the hard way.Never live to impress others.Live to do good to others for the glory of God.
If you want to live a miserable life,live to impress.Live under someones’ shadow…an illusion of ‘what people will think or say about you’…Was listening to Pst John Carson a week ago and he said in one of his sermons that, “You will not worry about how people talk about you because of how little they did”
Jesus on the other hand states in Matthew 10:28, “Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both body and soul”
There is only one person who warrants our reverent fear and that is God alone. Every other person comes under and that means they should not take your life away from you because as soon as they do,you are left high and dry,bitter and resentful trying to pick up the pieces on your own,to a point of injury.Is it worth it?… Think about it.
Give your very best in whatever you do,but do not lose your shine. Do not sell yourself for cheap in order to massage other people’s egotistic and selfish nature.
I remember working in a certain organisation two years back as an intern and my supervisor then,who is also my mentor called me to his office,looked me straight in the eye and told me, “Wacha hii upretending(Stop the pretense),in the social media platform you are very strong-willed,verbal and in-charge but in person you are a totally different person,so timid”…I smiled and for real!He did not mince his words…As raw as they came out of his mouth, they were a fact.I remember as I rose to leave his office he reiterated, ” Vivian, hii upretending uwache(Vivian, stop the pretense)…I left that office in thought and to be honest these very words are helping me a great deal.Through leaps and bounds ‘pretense’ is reducing and has reduced substantially. I am always grateful for his life.
Many years down the line I am still healing and regaining momentum again.At least I can say I am living!
Where am I headed with all this?
This is to act as a reminder to each one of us,including myself,that before you embark on anything examine your motives,examine where you are directing your energies.Let everything we do be done as unto the Lord,that way,we are more fulfilled and happier and at ease with everyone in return, otherwise you are slowly turning yourself into a ‘robotic zombie’ for lack of better words to describe the state.
See what Proverbs 29:25 reads, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe”
Jesus Himself never lived to impress anyone.He had a mission and purpose given to Him by the Father, bigger than himself.When you read through the Gospels,you will notice a number of times He faced near death experiences,yet He never broke once!… He stood His ground.(The one that really stands out for me is found in the book of John 9 through 10…)
To the Ministers of the gospel a message is directed to you in 1 Thessalonians 2:4, “But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please men,but to please God who tests our hearts”
God does test our hearts.
Search your heart and live your life for God because in any case He knows the end from the beginning.
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