I slapped His face,I thought he would slap me back…I shouted angrily at him but instead he looked at me with that ‘harmless’ look not uttering a word.I threw my fist at him to stir his anger up but instead he held my hand and kissed it…I kicked him so hard(feeling frustrated now)…kicked him again…and again…and again…he held me so tight and gave me a hug I have never been given before…I decided to open that door and run away…run very far away from him…so far…to a place he would never ever find me…for me that was the only way I could escape the bitterness,frustration,anger I felt inside…I could not bare to look him at his face…I felt embarrassed and in any case since I have no love for him anymore what am I doing in there?…I left…I left him behind…never to return.
As I walk down the alley,I see a very attractive house…and amazingly there was a vacant.I rush there,book the place and voila!…I feel…actually…I feel ‘at home’…No more fighting with a ‘wall’ that seems to feel absolutely nothing.The following day I see young people about the same age as I am having all the fun in the world.The laughters,the dances,the music!…Oh my goodness the music!…As I peep through the window a guy looks up from the crowd and winks…I stare or should I say gaze?…His features just pop out…the dimples,the cute smile,the smartly dressed guy just couldn’t get off my mind…Two minutes later I am still staring and he is still looking up…Its like we were totally disconnected from what was going on around us…
“This is it!” I thought.He calls me to join the group and I could not resist it!I rush downstairs and join in the fun and not just that,I join the guy who just blew my mind that chilly and foggy morning.We dance,make merry,have fun…I didn’t realize how fast time flew by…He offered to take me to my room and you can guess what I said… “Yes,please…Mr.Winky!” (Nodding a yes but in my heart that is exactly what I said,no hesitation).In the meantime,my phone is blowing up!…He is calling so endlessly but I choose to ignore his calls…I decide to put my phone on silent and intentionally leave the charge to run low and eventually the phone goes off.I don’t care at that point in time I am living in a world full of sweet fantasy.The guy who I call Mr Winky is right there in front of me…In my room…He is right there!….
Everything happens so fast…It was so fast…I don’t understand how that happened but it did.The following morning I wake up and I cannot trace Mr.Winky…He is gone!I look around desperately,under the bed,in the washroom,outside…atleast for a card with a number on it but…no…nothing…absolutely no trace of him…not even his scent was left behind.He left like a cloud of smoke!…He appeared so intense but it was absolutely nothing but a puff.
I was devastated!My hands,my feet,my entire body grew numb.Everything around me was spinning.I felt like I was in hell!…I slumped my head on the wall in despair crying so loudly without a care.I didn’t care!…I was desperate and devastated at the same time. “What have I done?!” These were the words that repeatedly came out of my teary voice that morning.I could not gather strength to stand from the position I found myself in…It all happened so fast!…So fast!
The punches,the slaps,the kicks,the shouts I gave him before I walked away were coming back to me!…I could feel them!…I was in great pain!…My heart was bleeding,my body was numb and my head was spinning…That was the worst day of my life.How I got there was all a blur…I do not know how it all happened…All I knew at that moment was, it happened.After more than an hour of tears and regrets,suddenly my phone comes to mind!…I jerk from there and start looking for it…I find it under my bed,dead…I get my charging cable connect it to the socket but there are no lights!…Tears flow down my cheeks uncontrollably…I just cannot figure out what to do!All I remembered was that the previous night he tried to reach me but I chose to ignore his call.Look at me now!…I throw myself on my bed and…
Knock…knock!…I thought I was dreaming.I ignored the knock on the door.It persisted and grew louder in my head,I just could not ignore it anymore…it was becoming a nuisance.In my anger I violently opened the door and shouted… “What do you want!”…I was looking a mess at that time…I was actually a mess!…The next thing I know is a hug I kinda experienced before but this time it was long and warm…Could it be Mr.Winky who has come to apologise?(I thought to myself amidst tears)…I did not even look at the face of the one who hugged me that long.He just ambushed me,just like that…Who does that?!…
“Come home Viv.”… “What?”… “I said,come home…”…I suddenly pushed him away and drew back…looking at him…I fell face down…I was such a mess…I had messed up big time and here he was telling me to go home?…Which home?,I thought to myself…While on the floor I feel a strong arm grab my hand and get me off that cold floor…He holds my chin and directs my head to look at him…I blink so many times just to make sure am not dreaming.He came…He came for me…I slapped him,kicked him,spit on his face,tore his heart apart and left and yet he came for me…I grabbed His leather jacket and pulled him towards me,and just cried… “I am so sorry!”…My mouth just could not stop uttering these words…
He came…He looked for me in my low and lost estate and found me.The mess I was in was not a hindrance.He looked for me…and he found me!How?…To date I do not understand how such a filthy me could have deserved such amazing grace.
Story of my life.
Here is a lady who chooses to Rebel against the God who was presented to her since she was 6years old.Here is a lady who chose to taste what the world has to offer.Yes,she tasted what the world had to offer only to be battered and bitter,left for dead.Yes,the world had all she desired,glitz and glam but they almost burnt her alive.
Here is a Saviour who came looking for this bitter and battered lady,a mess she was but He still held her so tight in His arms whispering gently yet lovingly in her ear, “Come home.” She could not resist such great love…She realized that He put His love on the line to bear the weight of sin that was hers.Into the sea of His infinite love He washed all her wrongs.
His mercy roared like hurricane winds and to date it still roars,His furious love laid waste to my sin!This kind of love always brings me to my knees!His love he put on the line because I had the right to resist it but I just could not!…I couldn’t!
Like the prodigal son Christ chose to hold a feast for a rebel!He did not cast me away instead with His arms wide open he received me!…Oh what love!
His mercy roared like hurricane winds and to date it still roars,His furious love laid waste to my sin!
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” (Romans 5:8-11)
He traded His throne for my sake,for your sake…for our sake!He,the God-man chose to go through what you and I go through everyday because of His hurricane kind of love.Show me a man who loves a sinner so unconditionally and I will show you my Saviour,Christ the king,who picked me from my mess and washed me so clean in the sea of His infinite love.
I rejoice in God through Christ,through whom I have now received reconciliation and not only that,I will sing forever to the one who has welcomed me home.
I thank God for my past has helped me realise the intense love Christ has for us.It has helped me realise that even for a sinner who feels downright dirty,Christ is still willing to receive with open arms,and like Hillsong sang,He will wash that sinner in the sea of His Infinite love.That is my Saviour!
I invite you today to pick up His call,do not disconnect yourself from Him.In your helpless state,he is willing to come get you and invite you back home like He did me.He never changes and He is not partial.Hear Him call and answer it,the world is not a safe place to be.Come home friend!…Run to His Arms,they are wide open.
Incase you are yet to taste His unconditional love,why don’t you pray this simple prayer with me?
I come to you today having tasted the world and seen more than enough from it.I admit I did not care,I admit I resisted your call,but now I choose to surrender.I surrender to your will,your ways,your plans and desires for my life.I have found myself wanting even after all the fleeting promises the world had to offer.I need you today God.Search me,test me,examine me and declare me your child.I surrender God.I believe that you are my Saviour and Lord.Help me as I begin this new journey with you.Help I pray.
In Jesus Name.
May we reach a point where what we gain from the world means absolutely nothing if Christ is not our one thing,everything we need.(Hillsong just blesses my heart!)
Welcome Home Friend!
Have a peaceful and reflective week ahead!
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